- John 4:1-42
- 1 Peter 5:6-7
Sometimes my relationship with our blog name is a love/
hate relationship. I love the reasoning behind the name that we want you to be unfiltered and be 100 percent you. But that also means that we have to be 100 percent transparent and unfiltered.
And that, my friends, is scary.
I am writing this on a Wednesday night, the power is out and the only things awake are the chorus of frogs outside my window and me. I am not sure why I decided to write on this subject, because I was planning to write on attitude. I think I would be doing Unfiltered and you all an injustice if I did not write about this subject.
Tonight, I had a panic attack. I sat in my car crying and barely breathing because my emotions had gotten the best of me. No one did anything to me directly. It actually stems from years and years of holding my emotions in and not letting people past my barrier or my “fake self”. I think— actually I know, that panic attacks/anxiety are a little bit of an iffy subject. It is hard to talk about issues that cannot be visibly seen.
Side Note: I have to be honest, I hate the Facebook post that have a title like What it is like to be blah blah (Fill it in)… Please hear me out this is not another Facebook how to be a better you post. This is my honest ramblings that I know can comfort and show a young girl or boy that there is hope, and His name is Jesus.
I think I am writing this because no one other than my best friend, Bre, my hero champion encourager, knows about this. And our pastor, Jonathan Fox, preached on a subject that intertwines perfect with this in our Series Rise of the Imposter, here is a link, check it out. Anyway back to Bre. She has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. She stood by me in the Chick fil A bathroom while I ugly cried and could barely breathe. And guess what, she still chooses to stand by me. Not because I am just the bees knees, but because our relationship is built on the most solid rock, Jesus. She consistently reminds me and holds me accountable.
One of my favorite bible stories is about the woman at the well. Firstly, because LADIES REPRESENT! Secondly, because Jesus came to the unexpected, the scandalous, and the broken. The Samaritan woman was not going to the well expecting to meet a man, and that man be Jesus. She was just expecting to go and get a drink of water, to quench her thirst. I think it is cool that Jesus was just perched up on the well knowing full well what was about to happen.
This woman came to the well broken and thirsty but she left healed and filled. Jesus filled her. He didn’t look at her with disgust because she had been married 5 times. Jesus wooed our woman and told her, “If you only knew the free gift of God” (John 4:10). This was something she had never experienced, it is a pure free gift, no strings attached. She had only known human love and all the strings that come along with it. He did not come to clean her appearance or physical self, Jesus came to clean her soul. I think “Woman at the well” is a cool name because what Jesus did was take her circumstance and situation and make her well. Y’all, she forgot her water, the reason that she came! She was filled and then went. Life in Jesus is never still, it is ever-moving ever-changing.
People, Jesus came to me. He came to my version of the well. To my broken self. The panic-stricken girl and He said, “You are perfect. I love you, now go proclaim my gospel. Yes, you have a past but you are set free.” He did not wait until I was completely freed of panic attacks to send me. He sent ME to ITALY. I mean talk about panic attacks, I think I had an attack every time the plane went through mild turbulence (I’m looking at you Jacob White)! He is faithful and the reward was so much greater than the cost. My heart shifted in Italy, I became less focused on me and my own problems and more focused on Jesus.
Isn’t it beautiful that because of what Jesus did for us on the cross, all of us: the broken girl, the girl who is weary, the anxiety stricken girl, the panic attacked girl, the girl that was married fifty-eleven times, the girl with the attitude and the overwhelmed girl. We are all on a level playing field because of Jesus. It humbles and completely blows my mind that God could look at me and call me beloved, precious, and HIS!
Questions to ponder and then journal:
- What is one thing that stuck out to you while reading the verses?
- Think about a time when Jesus met you where you were, write it down. Don’t over think this one, because it happens everyday!
- This may be simple but do you struggle with anxiety/panic attacks?
- If so, what triggers your attacks, and could this be caused by a lack of trust?
- When was the last time you left your worries with Jesus? We know this isn’t a quick fix, but constant communication with Jesus the good, the bad, and the ugly isn’t a bad idea!
- Journal your thoughts and “Cast your cares unto him.”